Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
