I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Say something about gay babies.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
