If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
