omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
