Duck Duck Cougar?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
