I'm going to jail i love you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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