Are we in a gay sports bar?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize