I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
