I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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