Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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