watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
