come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
