thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
