Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
