I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
