Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
