I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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