Your mouth is God's brothel.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
