just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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