so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize