I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she told me i tasted like america
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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