He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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