the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
