Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
