I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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