i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
