when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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