Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
