from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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