New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
