I just pynch a tree in the face
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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