a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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