I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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