he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
