You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am naked and annoyed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
