"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Terrible idea I love it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
