the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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