KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
