Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
