So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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