i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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