yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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