My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
