I wish i was in the wii world.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
