do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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