Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
