you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
