he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
