She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
