So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you didnt know i had herpes?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
