Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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