You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
