He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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