dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
