Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
