i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
