I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize