My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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