I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
