Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
