HIV tests are more positive than that guy
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
