last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
