This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Boobs are out for the taking
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
