apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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