but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have aggressive nipples.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
