I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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