she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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