haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
