I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
