Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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