So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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