too bad you live with your parents still
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize