i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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