i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
