Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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