There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's not a walk of shame if you run
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
