He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
