Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
