Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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