Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
