Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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