You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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