sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
