just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize