i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
