I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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