Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
