I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
