What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
