I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Did I show you my penis last night?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
