R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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