So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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