just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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