there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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