Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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