Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
