I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I could fuck to npr.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
