She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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