i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
