So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
