i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
