Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
