Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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