How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
