fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
