My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
