Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
