I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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