just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
